On the court:
He: (thinking) There she goes again - making a service fault. Why can’t she remember to hold her racket up? And cover the front while I take care of the back? And hit the shuttle away from the opponent’s reach? (sigh)

At home:
She: (thinking) There he goes again - leaving his sweat-soaked shirts in the bag overnight. And why can’t he remember to take out the trash? And where he left the car keys? And put the toilet seat down after using it? (humph!)

Homo sapiens. Latin for “wise man” or “thinking man”. The scientific name for man. And woman. Humankind, really. One could think that males and females are basically the same since they belong to the same species. Experience tells us that this is a myth. There are marked differences between the sexes not only in their anatomy and physiology, but in their psychology as well. This has prompted some to argue that there should be a sub-species classification for man and for woman. For instance, males may be called Homo sapiens machismus and females might be named Homo sapiens feminensis.

It is further assumed that the superior intelligence and complex societies of humans have produced the most complex sexual behaviors of any living thing, including many behaviors that are not directly connected with reproduction. Consider these:

She: My brother is an irresponsible, no-good, cheating bum.
He: Aw c’mon. He’s not that bad. He seems like a regular guy to me.
She: Regular?! Can’t you see that he is a certified con-man?
He: Well… you’re right. Your brother is a worthless bum. He’s hopeless.
She: He is still my brother.
He: (???)

He: Do we have to play tonight?
She: I miss the group, dear. Besides, I need the exercise. Please?
He: Oh, all right.
Later, at the badminton hall…
She: Why the long face?
He: I hate it here. It’s too humid. I can’t breathe. (stands up)
She: Where are you going?
He: Outside. Yosi lang.
She: (???)

Nowhere in badminton can you find a more fitting illustration of the differences between a man and a woman than in mixed doubles. Division of labor and special strategies have evolved, making this event arguably the most difficult and specialized. Males are generally stronger, faster and more aggressive while females are more careful and patient. Thus, the male partner covers the back portion of the court while the female defends the front half most of the time. Men even serve behind their female partner to maintain this ideal position. When serving to the female player, the flick serve is usually used to force her to the back and the man to the front. A short service to the male player causes him to come forward and his partner to cover the back. The lady gets most of the male opponent’s hard smashes and drives. It’s one of badminton’s cardinal tactics: explore and then exploit your opponents’ weaknesses. Nothing personal, he insists. Really?, she wonders.

She: You know, when my husband and I play mixed doubles, I can’t seem to do anything right. I don’t hit the shuttle hard or far enough, he says. I don’t serve good enough. I don’t react fast enough. I don’t cover the net area well enough.
Girlfriend: Really? That’s odd. When your husband and I team up, he always says I’m doing fine; that I should not worry if I make a fault. I’ll do better next time, he says.
She: Talaga? (Grrr!)

She: I wish I could play better. Can you help me?
He: Sure. Just remember to watch the shuttle, keep your racket up and ready, bend your knees slightly, keep your feet about 12 inches apart, be on your toes, and lunge with your racket leg leading into the stroke.
She: Hirap naman! I can’t remember all those; it’s just too hard.
Later…
She: I met the trainer here and guess what? He gave me tips on how to improve my game the easy way!
He: Really? What did he say?
She: He told me to watch the shuttle, keep my racket up and ready, bend my knees slightly, keep my feet about 12 inches apart, be on my toes, and lunge with my racket leg leading into the stroke. Isn’t that easy?
He: (mumbling) No prophet is honored in his hometown.
She: What did you say?
He: Yes, you’re right. It’s so easy. (forced grin)

If we were to go by stereotypes, men are predominantly objective thinkers, aggressive, lacking in emotional quotient (EQ), messy, rough, insensitive and rowdy. Women, in contrast, are basically subjective, neat and orderly, emotional, passive and sensitive.

She: Would you be a dear and replace the light bulb in the hallway? The lawn needs mowing, too, hon.
He: Sorry, dear. My shoulder is still stiff from our game last night. My knees are also aching from all that jumping and lunging. Next time na lang, okay?
Phone rings…
He: Yes, Norman? Special game? Tonight? What time? Okay, I’ll be there. (puts down phone)
She: (glares at him)
He: Whaat?? (clueless)

She: Did you just greet Randy back there? I thought you two weren’t on good terms.
He: It was only a nod, alright? No big deal. We still play.
She: Hmph! Why don’t you be true to your feelings? You know… get real?
He: Uh-oh. (whispering) Don’t look now. Your best fiend incoming at 9 o’clock.
She: Valerie! Dahling! (beso-beso) What’ve you been up to? Teammates tayo ha?
He: Ngeh?!

Men, in general, are under pressure to perform, lead and achieve. They are expected to be brave, stoic, unfazed by difficulties, and uncomplaining. Hence the “strong and silent type” is an enduring trait. The saying, “Boys don’t cry” is passed on to every succeeding generation without fail. A man’s unloading of his emotional burden to others is frowned upon except when he is bonding with his buddies over intoxicating drinks.
Most women are under pressure to look beautiful and desirable. Appearance is taken very seriously by the typical female. One sure way to make a woman uncomfortable or insecure is to mention that something is wrong with her appearance. This is perilous ground for the offender. Indeed, some ladies take unflattering comments as personal insults.

She: Are you leaving for your game already? Have some breakfast before you go, dear. And did you bring extra shirts? Why don’t you take the umbrella? Looks like rain today, hon.
He: No, thanks, dear. Gotta go. (muttering: nag..nag..nag. Umbrella? ‘Di na oy! Macho ‘ata ‘to.)
Later…
He: I feel lousy, hon. My stomach growled during the match. My shirt was drenched all that time. And after the game, while I was walking to the car, it suddenly rained. (sniffles) I think I’m running a fever. Can you take my temperature?
She: Of course. Anything you say… baby.

She: Do you think this top makes me look a little chubby?
He: No, not at all.
She: I feel chubby wearing this top.
He: You look great. Believe me.
She: Ows? No. You can tell me the truth. I can take it. Really.
He: Oh… all right. It does make you look a little fat.
She: F-Fat? (voice trembling)

He: I’ll be right there, guys.
She: Are you going to play again? You’ve had 3 matches already. You’re not young anymore, you know.
He: Relax, dear. I can handle it.
Later…
He: Oooh, my aching back. My knees hurt and I think I have tennis elbow.
She: Relax, dear. You can handle it, right? (Mona Lisa smile)

She: (whispering) Milet has great legs, doesn’t she? And her dress flatters her figure. I wish I was sexy like her.
He: But she can’t hit the shuttle even when she’s serving. You play much better than she does.
She: Yeah, right. Thanks, ha?
He: Er… I mean, you are sexy, too. You have great legs, a nice bottom, shapely waist, and a terrific ...
She: Maniac! You men are all alike. I AM NOT A SEX OBJECT!
He: (???)

Moreover, girls are generally adept talkers; they effortlessly express their thoughts, opinions and emotions by chatting the time away. Men tend to be tight-lipped. “Man of few words” is another popular phrase that describes the male’s lack of linguistic flair. As a rule, a woman has the prerogative to change her mind, we are told. Men are bound by their utterances. Palabra de honor or word of honor is upheld by men… well, at least by the gentlemen.

She: Hey, isn’t the right rear tire flat?
He: Naah, it looks fine, hon.
She: Don’t you think we should drive first to a vulcanizing shop and have it checked?
He: Don’t worry, dear. It’s okay. And even if there’s a puncture, it’ll take a long time to deflate because it’s tubeless. Let’s go now or we’ll be late for the game.
Later…
He: (changing the tire, huffing) C’mon… say it.
She: (melodically) I told you so, dear.

Her friends: Share naman o. How was your doubles game with Josh?
She: (giggling) Oh.. my.. gosh! I was making palo to the shuttle with Carla when he asked us if we wanted to play mixed with his pal, Mike. (shrieks of excitement) Sobrang grabey! Of course, I asked him coyly, “Someone might get mad?” He answered, “No. I’m unattached.” Then… he winked at me. (squeals of delight) Major major!
I didn’t like sana but Carla insisted… no, forced me to team up with Josh. Blush tuloy ako! (pouts) Tapos he gave me tips on how to hit the backhand. At one point in the second game, he showed me the right way to hold the racket and how to swing it. I tried out swinging the racket tapos…tapos… (fans her face with her hands frantically) he put his hand over mine on the handle and swung the racket with me! (girls screaming) Super kiliiig!
After the game, we went to the food stand. I made lambing to him and said “Will you make sundot-sundot the fishballs for me, Josh? Painful na my hand eh.”
He looked at me… (a hush fell)
…and smiled! (pandemonium in the hall)

His friends: O pare, share naman. How was your doubles game with Roxie?
He: Ayos, mga ‘tol. We won. Then we had a snack. Roxie is one hot chick.
His friends: Ayos, pre! (high fives all around)

And so it goes. Is there an end to this so-called battle of the sexes? First, we must ask: is there really a war between the genders? Could it be that the situations we have examined might just be incidents and casualties of friendly fire? The torment and grief inflicted by both parties on each other could very well be unintentional… for most of the time, at least. And the last time I looked, we were on the same side. Male and female He created them, the Bible says, to help each other, to be as one.
Let the male chauvinists and feminists have their little skirmishes. For the rest of us, this familiar adage, though bittersweet, sums up our dilemma, and our rationalization for peaceful co-existence -

“Men! / Women!… you can’t live with them; you can’t live without them.”